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My Little Loves

Posted on: Sunday

I'd just like to say Thank You to all of the readers who hopped over here from My Little Loves, & to Bekah for offering me the opportunity to do a guest post. It feels good to share my story with the world, & to read all of the lovely comments from other women. I am honored to be connected to such an amazing network of Mothers & Midwives & Doulas & Bloggers & Readers. So Thank You!

Life around here has been pure madness. I have a love/hate relationship with moving. I love starting anew, designing a new space, exploring new neighborhoods, and filtering through old possessions. I am not so thrilled about packing, removing the many many shelves and nails from our walls, and never being able to find anything while living out of suitcases. Our apartment is a sea of boxes and packing tape, but hopefully by this time next week we'll be settled into our new home. Biet doesn't seem to mind a bit. Nico, on the other hand, is not having a good time. She likes order. Really. She is a much happier pooch when the house is clean and orderly than when it is a mess. This moving business is stressing her out. I wish I could tell her that it's almost over, but all I can do is snuggle her in our bed (the bed is the only clutter-free place in our apartment right now), with her on one side and baby girl on the other. My two little ladies.

Here are the final 2 photos Gaby snapped of me for My Little Loves. Bekah posted them on her blog so I thought I'd share them here too!




Lavender for Biet

Posted on: Friday

Once in a great while, if you're lucky, a person comes into your life who can affect it positively in the simplest ways; a person whose mere presence brings about small changes that you will remember forever; a person whose friendship seems, inexplicably, greater than the sum of its parts.  It may be your teacher, your butcher, your mailman, your boss, a stranger on the train, or, your neighbor.

When we moved into this dear home of ours, we met Sacha, who lived upstairs in Number 8 with her husband Mike, and Lisa Marie, who lived downstairs in Number 2.  They extended a hand and welcomed us into the building, and onto the block.  During our first few weeks here, as we maneuvered around mountains of boxes & tarps, living out of suitcases & covered in paint, we found a handmade ceramic heart hanging from our doorknob. When we were frustrated and overtired, renovating our apartment by day and working by night, we would come home and see that little heart that Sacha had made. And we knew that all this work would pay off soon, that we were building a good home.  As we laid in bed at night listening to the music of Lisa Marie's record player drifting up through the floorboards, we knew we were in the right place.

We grew to know both Sacha & Lisa Marie as the kind and generous artists that they are. Sacha continued to constantly surprise us with gifts and goodies waiting for us at our front door. Lisa Marie has always been there to turn to, acting as East Village den mother of our building.  Knowing that they are both just a couple of floors away brings me a sense of great comfort. Knowing that they love and partake in this community brings me a sense of great pride in our neighborhood.  When Biet was born, our neighbors brought me the deepest sense of alchemy I have ever known. Let me explain:

My due date was May 15th, the same day that my late Mother gave birth to her first born, also a daughter, my sister Emmy. Since my sisters and I lost Mom at such a young age (I was 4), I was enheartened by this coincidence and took it as a sign that I would have a girl, just like she did, and that the baby would be healthy and strong. Happily, both of these things happened. My Mother gave birth to Emmy in Spokane, Washington, and, 3 days later, Mount St. Helens erupted.  So, as the story goes, after the monstrous volcano eruption, all of Spokane was covered in ash. The sky turned black, the sun disappeared, and all of the cheer seemed to drain from the city. My Mother was still in the hospital with baby Emmy. As she slept one day, my Dad went down to the hospital parking lot, took the car, and drove west, away from the ash and the dark and the volcano aftermath.  He drove to the town of Sequim, far enough away to escape the ash, and famous for its lavender fields, now in full bloom. He picked wild lavender until the back seat of the car was full to the windows, drove back to the hospital, & lugged the lavender inside.  While my Mother slept, he filled every open space of her room with the sweet-smelling purple flowers. When she awoke, her room had been transformed into the only place in the hospital filled with flowers and cheer. As my Dad tells it, Mom received the absolute best care out of everyone in the entire hospital because every nurse wanted to be in her room day & night.  And Mom and Emmy spent their first days together surrounded by the beautiful blossoms.

Mom & Dad:
Mom holding Emmy:
Emmy holding me 4 years later:
On my due date, May 15th, Gaby and I saw Sacha and she told us she had dreamt the night before that I had the baby, at home, and that we named her Betty.
My contractions began later that very same day. Biet was not born until the next day, May 16th, at 6:59 pm.  After her birth, after the midwives went home, it was just the three of us: Mama, Papa, & Biet. We laid on the bed and ordered hamburgers from our favorite NYC burger joint.  Then we all three slept, as a family, for the first time.  The next morning Gaby went to walk Nico.  When he opened the front door it was sitting there.  A congratulatory gesture. A gift from our neighbor: a glass bottle with a bouquet of wild lavender.
I had never told Sacha nor Lisa Marie the story of my Mother & the lavender. The bouquet that morning meant the world to me. I still have it, dried and hanging next to Biet's crib.
And Biet, the beautiful name which we chose so long ago for our daughter, and told not a soul, just happens to be the Russian form of Betty.

I am so happy to know these women, and I thank them for the comfort and grace that they unknowingly bring me.
Me holding Biet:

BIET'S BIRTH STORY


Our daughter, Biet Luna Savransky, was born Monday May 16th, at home. She weighed 7lb 11 oz and was 19 inches long. We are so in awe of our little baby. She was born in the water at 6:59 pm after a short, extremely intense labor.

I began having contractions on our due date, Sunday May 15th, in the afternoon. They were painless and extremely irregular, but we were thrilled. I had continued to wait tables until 39 weeks, and when I left for maternity leave my boss invited us to come have one last dinner as a childless twosome, on the house. Realizing that this might be our last chance to take her up on that offer (and in fact it was) we decided to dress up and go out for a four course meal. By the end of the night, my contractions were steadily 10 min apart and getting slightly uncomfortable. Our midwife, Karen, was going to come the next afternoon. We took the dog for a long walk and went to bed.

I knew that labor could take many hours or days, and was determined to sleep that night to make sure I had energy for when the "real labor" began. Gaby told me the next day that he watched me going through contractions all night in my sleep. The next morning we awoke, made a big breakfast and fresh juice, and super-cleaned the apartment. We moved all the furniture and set up the birthing tub in the kitchen, and covered the couch and chairs and bed in shower curtain-liners. Karen arrived at 2:45 to assess my labor. We had kept track of all the contractions on the iPad App and anxiously showed her the last hours of records. She looked but said she would rather just watch me go through a couple contractions and then do a cervical check. They were about 6 min apart, and uncomfortable enough to make me sit or lean, but I could still speak normally, and felt that these were pretty mild. As I was getting up to move to the bedroom for the cervical check, my water broke. I was pretty disappointed that because the bag of waters had ruptured I couldn't find out how dilated I was, if at all. So I assumed that I was most likely one or two centimeters, and convinced myself that the baby probably wasn't going to be born until the next day. After all, everyone had told me that first babies are very long labors.

Karen had a very hard time deciding whether to stay, or go home and check back in a couple hours. I told her to go, that I was fine, and could bear through the many hours of these contractions on my own. Gaby was not so comfortable with the idea. In the end she decided it was safe for her to drive back to Brooklyn. We called my friend Summer (acting as doula) to have another person with us, and called the dog-sitter to come pick up our pitbull. Karen instructed us to call her right away if: 1.The contractions quickly became longer and much closer together in a short period of time 2. I could no longer speak through them 3. I felt a shift in weight of the baby's head moving down in my pelvis. She left around 3:45. Literally, as soon as she walked out the door, the first two happened.

I fell into a contraction and began moaning, was unable to speak, & finally felt what I considered was real pain. It was unlike all of the other contractions I had felt. The next one came 3 min later. Gaby told me he was going to run out and stop Karen before she drove away but I ordered him not to. I was envisioning these type of contractions coming until the wee hours of the morning, and saw no reason to have Karen sitting there with us as I moaned through them. I felt more comfortable getting the brunt of the work done alone, as a couple. I tried to take a shower but found myself unable to stand, and fearful of sitting because Karen had said no bath with your water broken. Gaby helped me out and I didn't even bother to get dressed again. Looking back I see that this was the "loss of modesty" stage. The contractions moved to 2 minutes apart. Summer arrived and she and Gaby decided, against my wishes, to call Karen. She told them to fill up the pool, she was on her way back over the Brooklyn Bridge.

Through each and every contraction, Gaby walked me across the apartment, held me up when I couldn't walk, rubbed my back when I fell over a chair or couch or table. I kept trying to move to new pieces of furniture as the pain became seemingly unbearable. Karen arrived back just before 5pm with her wonderful assistant Chanti. She told me to get in the tub, that this baby was definitely coming soon. I thought to myself that "soon" must mean at least 7 or 8 more hours, since this WAS my first baby. The weightlessness in the tub helped immediately, as I felt I could finally relax the rest of my body now like we learned in our Bradley classes. However, soon the contractions seemed to coming on top of one other, with maybe 10 second breaks, and I found myself turning and twisting in the water, trying to find a position that hurt "less" to no avail. I had become, to my surprise, very vocal. I heard sound coming from my mouth that seemed more fitting for a farm animal, but I had truly surrendered to my body at that point. Every now and again my voice would become too high pitched, and Gaby would join in in his lowest voice. I don't remember doing it, but he said I would immediately go back to a low toned voice.

Just before 6pm, after nearly an hour in the tub, Karen said she wanted to do a cervical check. I agreed, and as soon as the next contraction ended she hurriedly checked before the next one began. I prepared myself mentally to hear "4 centimeters" or something close. She was just finishing when I started having the next contraction, and I heard her, through the intense pain, say "9 1/2 centimeters." I screamed out "really?" Two contractions later, my low-toned vocal expressions ended with grunting. Karen told me I had just pushed. Everything changed to bearing down and animalistic grunting. The contractions spaced out a bit, giving me breaks during which I would fall asleep for a few moments at a time. I was so exhausted that when Karen asked me to move into a squat, I couldn't. Gaby immediately got in the water and held me under my arms in a supported squat. I could feel her moving down, and when Karen held the mirror up I could see her dark hair. After an hour of pushing, she was born into the water. I didn't catch her. I was leaning on Gaby with my eyes closed when I heard him start speaking in spanish & crying, & I knew she was finally out. I opened my eyes and she was in front of me.

Our Bradley Method teacher, Mary Esther, said once that shorter labors sometimes need more time to really sink in. It is true. I had so well prepared myself for a long labor that when the whole thing was over in less than 4 hours, I was a bit in shock. I stayed in a business-like frame of mind for many hours afterwards, concerned with what I needed to do next. I didn't get to an emotional mindset until the next day. And now Gaby and I have been falling more in love with her each day. She is all we ever dreamt of, Biet Luna Savransky.



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