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ONE LITTLE LADY, ONE LITTLE MAN

Posted on: Tuesday



A boy.  From the moment the ultrasound technician told us the news, I have been on a rollercoaster of sorts as I  adjust to the reality of our future family.  This is the part where I'm supposed to say that I was overjoyed and smitten from that very first moment we found out, but that's simply not so.  As the wand moved across my belly, revealing grainy image after grainy image of our tiny wiggling child, the doctor, who stood behind the technician overseeing her work, suddenly looked at me and exclaimed "well he's certainly not shy!".  And at the same moment that I saw the two little legs, two little feet, and one very obvious boy part on display, the word "he" registered with my brain, and my jaw dropped.  I turned my head to Gaby, whose eyes were already welling up with tears of joy, and gasped "baby, its a boy!?"

Everyone, and I mean everyone, had told me that I was having a boy this time- all of my friends, my co-workers, strangers on the train, my boss, even those silly online quizzes- boy, boy, boy.  Everyone except my sisters, who knew how much I was anticipating another girl, and were rooting for me.  Having grown up in a family of three sisters, with a mother who came from a family of three sisters, I was sure that girls simply ran in my blood. Of course, I conveniently ignored my father's side, which is full of boys (my Grandma had four boys before having a girl, bless her!), as well as the actual fifty-fifty odds.  I was sure, and nothing else mattered.  I was looking forward to proving everyone wrong after the anatomy scan confirmed what I already "knew". My two girls would be wonderful sisters growing up in the city together, with just the same age gap as my little sister and I, and that was that. 

But the universe had other plans. At first, I was in shock.  The news of his good health was of course the most important thing, and brought with it calm and relief and gratitude. But the news of his gender had thrown me for such a loop that I honestly didn't know how to feel.  I walked out of the office in a sort of daze, telling Biet with a smile that she was going to have a little brother, but at the same time seeing all of my visions of her sisterhood vanishing.  The idea of a boy, which would soon be my reality, was simply so foreign.  

I don't even know how to change a boy diaper, I thought to myself.  And then came visions of pee everywhere, wrestling and breaking the house, toy guns and swords and fighting, broken bones, aggressive boy energy all. of. the. time... oh my.  I just couldn't imagine it.  I began asking friends with brothers what it had been like for them growing up.  Most of them said it was unbelievable.  I heard story after story of wonderful brother-sister adventures.  And one day I realized that I needn't imagine what a boy's childhood would entail because I had, indeed, already been through it.  My two sisters and I could wrestle the best of them. We knocked eachother around like you wouldn't believe.  Fighting and breaking things and being loud and wild- that was our everyday, for better or worse. I don't know when I began to sugarcoat my sisterhood with them, but the truth is that we were rough. And we were wild. And we were adventuresome. Because that is childhood.  

Biet and her brother will knock eachother around, I am sure. And they will also love eachother and mean more to one another than anyone else.  This city will be their playground, and it will be glorious. I will learn how to change a boy diaper (I've been told to cover it with a little cloth as soon as you open the diaper, or else expect to be peed on every time), but the rest I know. I cherish being a mother, and am lucky enough to be able to do it again.  I will nurture and raise an amazing little man who is half me and half Gaby, and for that I am not only thrilled, but honored. I can't wait to discover what he looks like, how he moves, what he sounds like...  I wonder if he will get as much of Gaby in him as Biet did.  Today, weeks after finding out, I can honestly say that I am smitten with this budding little life inside me.  He will be amazing.

I felt the need to document this process, from surprise to shock to acceptance to excitement. It has been quite an emotional journey, but a necessary one.  I feel this baby boy move in my belly every day, so strong and resilient, and I feel more connected to him than ever.  I can see him in my arms, and it is the sweetest feeling in the world. I am truly falling head over heals for this babe.  He is my son. 

57 COMMENTS:

  1. love this post!
    I have a baby boy, too!

    http://kribamil.blogspot.de/

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  2. A truely beautiful post, Belle.
    I laughed and cried and smiled throughout reading this - you have a wonderful way with words.
    May this new discovery continue to bless and bring much joy to you all!

    x

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    1. Thank you so much Sarah!
      This little boy is already bringing us an abundance of joy!

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  3. This post was very strong. And the end was making me smile from one ear to another. I'm sure things will go great with raising a baby boy.

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  4. I have two brothers and a sister, and I feel like I've been super blessed and I know your family will too:) My older brother has always taken care of me, but we're also close in age so we're friends and I met my husband through him so we get to spend alot of time together. There is a big age gap with my younger brother and sister but the both very loving and I have a great realtionship with both- congratulations on your news and hope there will be more little ones to come:)

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    1. We are concentrating on just the two littles for now, but if Gaby has his way there may be a whole handful running around in the future. haha. Thank you for sharing about your brother-sister relationship.

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  5. I teared up reading this. I love how honest and open you are, and that you shared all of this with your readers. You have such a big heart and this little man is one lucky guy. He has a great mama.

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    1. Oh thank you Bekuh! I was a little weary of sharing so honestly on this matter, so your words really mean so much.

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  6. I was also so worried about having a boy. I grew up with just my mother and I felt like boys were so foreign I had no idea what to expect. Then I realized that his childhood would be different from mine for many other reasons, the most important one being a very present father. I love having a boy, he's only shy of two years old, but so far no guns... lots of energy though for sure!

    Congratulations and thank you for sharing your thoughts.

    xo Lilly

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    1. This is so refreshing to read! Like you, my childhood was really so different from what my own children's will be. I grew up shuffling between a single parent with both of my sisters, and foster care sometimes separated from my sisters. My sisters mean so much to me and I wanted Biet to have the same closeness. Now I know that she and her brother will have just as strong of a bond, and they will have a beautiful childhood.

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  7. such great honesty. for our first baby i got what i "wanted" -- a girl. we are planning on another soon and it would be nice to have one of each, esp to fulfill my husband's desire for a son. but, like you, there's a part of me that wants my little bean to have a sister, which is something i never had (though i do love love love my older brother). either way, for everyone, it always just does seem to work out and be perfect for that family ;)

    best to you.

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    1. I agree, everything seems to work out just as it needs to, in perfect time and balance for your family. I know that this little boy will bless our family with even more love.

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  8. A baby boy! I have an older brother whom I love dearly. Our relationship is everything you wrote. He grew up in a house of sisters and theres something sweet about him. He understands women just a little bit more. My first is a boy and I can tell you with confidence the pee everywhere stops rather quickly. Also a tip, if you dont want to use a cloth everytime open the diapey let some air in then close it. Wait about 10 seconds and you're good. Congrats again!

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    1. Haha, thanks!
      Thank you for sharing about your brother. I really feel now that a brother will be perfect for Biet. I am so excited to see them grow together.

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  9. Congratulations! As the mother of two little boys(one 3 years and one 9 months) I am so excited for you! Rough and tumble as they are, their gentle and loving ways with their Mama are amazing. I too had thoughts of toys guns and loud roaring dinosaurs and sofa diving and pee fountains but you will be surprised how quickly these concerns just melt away. Well except for the peeing, just keep the new diaper flipped on top until you are ready for it. And I should say that my first son never, not even once peed on me. Exposed or not, it just wasn't his thing. His brother however, making up for it in spades!

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    1. Hahaha thank you!
      I know that all of my concerns are trivial in the long run. A son is an amazing blessing. We'll see if he is a pee fountain kind of guy or not! Either way, I won't mind. I'm just dreaming of a healthy and strong little baby.

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  10. I grew up with three brothers by my side (2 older and one younger) and cannot express to you how much I cherished my childhood with those 3 boys. Yes, they picked on me, called me names, hurt my feelings; but they also supported me, attended every one of my sporting events, and watched over me as I grew older and matured into a woman. I am so incredibly close to my youngest brother (we are two years apart) and believe that my childhood with him by my side shaped me into the person I am today. My brothers have looked out for me since I was a tiny little thing and I feel so blessed to have each of them as MY brothers. Little Biet will be so lucky to have a brother by her side as she grows and matures into a little woman. She will forever treasure that special bond she shares with her little brother.

    Shannon
    Fabulously Vintage

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    1. Thank you Shannon!
      All of these stories from readers are giving me so much hope and excitement for the future with a son! A brother will be amazing for Biet, and she will be amazing for him. The idea of a little boy seemed so foreign before, but now it seems nothing less than perfect.

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  11. I was utterly convinced that I was having a girl when I was pregnant. I dreamed of silky dresses, sparkles, the Prom, being the Mother of the Bride. Then I found out I was actually having a boy. I cried. I had to let those "little girl" things die. It's especially hard bc I'm just having one. A boy turned out to be the love of my life. I would never trade him. Great post!

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    1. He will be the love of my life too, I know. (well, one of them!). Thank you so much for sharing. I am so excited to meet him now!

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  12. i come from an all girl family and had my first baby, a son, last december. he is a blast, and as the only boy, the center of the whole family's attention. just remember to make sure his part is pointing down when you change the diaper, and you'll be fine. :) congratulations!

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    1. Thanks Mia! pointing down, got it! :)

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  13. Congratulations! And thank you for being so candid in this post. As a mama of three boys (the last of which I was SURE was a girl until the 20-week ultrasound told us otherwise), I can honestly tell you that there is such a special bond between a mama and her son(s). Truly truly a wonderful thing indeed. Plus, Biet will have to boss him around a bit like I did my little brother (p.s.- I loved having a brother and a sister growing up).

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    1. Oh I think she will be an excellent little leader of the sibling pack. Biet has more attitude budding every day, and no shortage of rough and tumble energy either. :)

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  14. I'm in tears at your posts about your baby boy! You have such gratitude and meaning in your words. I love reading your blog and set up my own little one for my little girl for family and friends to see her grow as I was inspired.
    Wishing you all the best with the pregnancy!
    Laura from London xxx

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    1. Thank you Laus!
      What is the domain of your blog? I was a bit uncertain of writing this post because I was weary of the criticism, but everyone's comments and stories about their own experiences have meant so much to me. I am so ready now to have a boy.
      Thank you for reading from London!
      xx

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  15. So glad I found your blog! I don't have any children yet so it is relieving to hear authenticity about thought processes and emotions that one might feel when having kids!
    Thank you!

    Tracey

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    1. For me, becoming a mother has been one process after another, of strength and surrender and growth and love. I hope to be able to document it all here so that one day my littles can look back and read. Thank you for following along!

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  16. Being the mother of a boy is such a gift. And don't worry about the pee when changing diapers. It's really not a big deal. There's barely any of it and it's always funny whenever it happens. I used to love when I would first place Cedar in his bath water and without fail, he would pee. I would squeal with delight, "The pee! The pee!". It was so cute and hilarious. Even the other day, when the two of us were taking a shower and he started to pee. I exclaimed, "Look, you're peeing!". And he looked down and started to giggle.

    You're going to love having a little boy and your little boy is so lucky to be born into such a beautiful family.

    xoxo

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    1. Thank you Summer! Somehow your comment made me look forward to getting peed on. haha.

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  17. I've been meaning to comment on your blog for a while - I just started reading a few weeks ago and then I saw that you were participating in the sling diaries too so I just wanted to say hi :)

    Anyway, congrats on your boy :) You will LOVE having a little boy, I promise - and Biet will love being a big sister and having a little brother. I too wasn't sure how it was going to be having a son as I was so used to having a little girl but everyone told me how affectionate little boys are and it's true! Now everyone tells me how lucky I am having one of each :)

    I'm loving reading your gorgeous words and photography and look forward to you welcoming a new little one into the world :)

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    1. Thank you for commenting Rachel! Your words are so kind. Its so good to hear from readers who have been here before. I know that I will LOVE having one of each, I love it already.

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  18. This is so, so lovely, Belle. The way you write is so open and raw and effortless. You truly have a gift. And you're the kind of mom that I hope to be like one day, when the time comes. Biet and baby boy are SO, so lucky to have you. I have two younger brothers (no sisters). One is 16 months younger and the other is 4 years younger. I can't imagine that my childhood would have been filled with as much excitement, adventures and FUN if they weren't around. Biet is a lucky little girl. Brothers are awesome.

    I also wanted to thank you for your incredibly thoughtful comment on my NYC post. You have no idea what that meant to me and your words have stuck with me for the past few days and actually have kind of cemented this idea of "move to NYC, find a way, make it happen" in my head. Thank you for that and for your beautiful description of what life in NYC does for the spirit. I got this taste of that while I was there and the whole time just felt this pull to stay forever.

    Enough about me though! I can't tell you how excited I am for you and your lovely family. SO much love in this post :)

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    1. Thank you Natasha! Biet and her brother will be 19 months apart, almost exactly like your brother!
      I loved your post of NYC. I read a lot of blogs of people who live here in the city, some with kids, some without, and its so interesting to see how each person interprets it. I felt like you saw the same New York that i do, which I don't feel very often about posts. If you ever need advice on apartments, neighborhoods, etc., reach out!
      xx
      belle

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  19. Anonymous5:00:00 PM

    Congratulations on your sweet baby boy! Your honesty is truly beautiful, and I know it will help many other mothers. You mentioned all the females on your side of the family, but the sex of the baby is determined entirely by the sperm.

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    1. Haha I know, I know.. the dad determines the baby's gender entirely. But silly me wanted to believe in some mystical family tradition (although I have read some interesting things about how the acidity of a woman's body can actually influence which sperm survive better, male or female, and how it could be linked to women who are more genetically prone to having all girls). Regardless, it all ends up being exactly as its meant to be for your own family. This little boy will bring so much love to our soon-to-be quartet.

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  20. Congrats on the good news of having a baby boy!! I have a little boy and although he's really active, he's so fun and cheeky to be with. Take care and enjoy your special moment :))

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